True healing takes more than a few deep breaths
You’ve tried all the breathing exercises, somatic exercises, and gratitude lists... and yet you’re still stressed all the time. The “hacks” might work in the moment (or maybe they make you feel worse) but either way the anxiety just keeps coming back.
That was me for a very long time.
I’ve been a Massage Therapist for over 20 years and my specialty is teaching people how to calm their nervous system. I’ve known and have used all the tools for a very long time. And while they work to calm in the moment, they didn’t actually keep my anxiety from coming back because I wasn’t addressing the underlying issue.
It’s just like with any other health symptom. If you have indigestion or acid reflux, even your doctor won’t ask why it’s happening; they’ll just give you a prescription to lower your stomach acid. But that only lessens the symptom; it doesn’t address the actual problem.
We need to start asking why when it comes to our body. Because there’s always an answer. Too many of us think of our body as broken, when really, it’s just asking for help or warning us that something needs to be addressed.
When you’re riddled with anxiety, that’s a nervous system that is in survival mode. And if you want to truly heal, the first question to ask is: Why?
Do you know why you’re dysregulated or what might be contributing?
Here are a list of triggers that may be impacting you:
Chronic Stress - Long-term exposure to stress keeps the nervous system in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze, making it difficult to return to balance.
Unresolved Trauma (Big or Small) - Past emotional, physical, or relational trauma can cause the nervous system to stay hyper-vigilant, even in safe situations.
Childhood Emotional Neglect - Growing up without consistent emotional support can create a nervous system that struggles to feel safe and self-regulated.
Early Attachment Wounds - Insecure attachment (from inconsistent, absent, or unsafe caregivers) can wire the nervous system to expect instability and stay in survival mode.
Suppressed Emotions - Holding in anger, grief, fear, or resentment over time keeps the body stuck in a stress response.
Perfectionism & Overachieving - Constantly striving to be “good enough” keeps the nervous system in a chronic state of stress, as it perceives failure as a threat.
People-Pleasing & Poor Boundaries (Fawn Response) - Prioritizing others’ needs over your own leads to chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and a dysregulated nervous system.
Unprocessed Grief - Loss, whether recent or unresolved, can keep the nervous system in a shutdown or heightened stress state.
Chronic Illness or Pain - Ongoing physical health issues create a prolonged stress response, leading to nervous system dysregulation.
Blood Sugar Imbalances - Frequent blood sugar spikes and crashes can overstimulate the nervous system, increasing anxiety, fatigue, and mood swings.
Poor Gut Health & Microbiome Imbalances - Since 70% of the nervous system is in the gut, imbalances in gut bacteria can directly contribute to anxiety, depression, and dysregulation.
Nutrient Deficiencies - Lack of essential nutrients (like magnesium, B vitamins, and omega-3s) affects nervous system function and resilience.
Sleep Deprivation & Poor Sleep Quality - A lack of deep, restorative sleep prevents the nervous system from properly resetting, leaving it more reactive to stress.
Caffeine & Stimulant Overuse - Excessive caffeine or stimulants (like energy drinks) can keep the nervous system in a state of hyperarousal.
Alcohol & Substance Use - While substances may temporarily calm the nervous system, they ultimately disrupt neurotransmitter balance and increase dysregulation.
Environmental Toxins & Mold Exposure - Toxins from air pollution, mold, plastics, or chemicals can create systemic inflammation that negatively impacts nervous system function.
Sedentary Lifestyle & Lack of Movement - Movement is essential for nervous system regulation, and a lack of physical activity can contribute to a state of shutdown or stagnation.
Social Isolation & Lack of Safe Connection - Humans regulate best in connection, and isolation can trigger a chronic stress response in the body.
Chronic Overwhelm & Information Overload - Constant exposure to bad news, social media, and too much information can keep the nervous system in a heightened state of stress.
Unresolved Shame & Self-Criticism - Internalized shame creates an ongoing stress response that can prevent the nervous system from feeling truly safe.
Lack of Play & Joy - A life devoid of fun, laughter, and creativity deprives the nervous system of natural, healing regulation.
Disconnection from Nature - Spending most of your time indoors and away from natural elements can increase stress and nervous system dysregulation.
Hormonal Imbalances (Cortisol, Thyroid, Estrogen, etc.) - Dysregulated hormones affect how the nervous system processes stress and can make regulation more difficult.
Lack of Breath Awareness - Shallow, rapid breathing (instead of deep diaphragmatic breathing) signals stress to the body and keeps the nervous system on high alert.
History of Unsafe Relationships or Betrayal Trauma - Being in abusive or toxic relationships wires the nervous system for hyper-vigilance and difficulty trusting safety.
Financial Instability & Money Stress - A lack of financial security can keep the body in a constant state of fear and stress.
Living in a High-Stress Environment - Chaotic workplaces, unsafe home environments, or high-conflict relationships reinforce a dysregulated nervous system.
Suppressing Instincts & Ignoring Body Cues - Constantly pushing past your limits, ignoring hunger cues, or forcing yourself to function when exhausted leads to nervous system burnout.
After reading that, it’s no wonder why so many people are struggling with anxiety and overwhelm! Do you see yourself in that list?
The good news is that having these triggers in your life doesn’t mean you’ll be forever stuck in a dysregulated state, it just means these are the areas where you need some support.
Until you can address the root of the issue, 10 minutes of breath work daily just won’t be enough.
So then the next question is: Where do I start?
For me, the first step was understanding.
So much of my anxiety was triggered by my anxiety. I was stuck in a loop. Every time I would get that rush of cortisol and adrenaline, I was convinced I was dying. All of my health symptoms meant my body was breaking and nothing I was doing was helping and I felt completely out of control. The feeling of anxiety just brought on even more intense anxiety.
It wasn’t until I fully understood what my nervous system was trying to do that I broke that cycle. I still have moments of stress where I have a rush of stress hormones, that’s very normal, but instead of it heightening my fear, It’s just information.
It’s like being afraid because it looks like there’s a person hiding in the corner. But then you turn on the light and can see clearly that it’s just a coat rack. Once you’re able to see clearly it takes the fear away.
Understanding what’s happening in your body is like turning the light on. Everything begins to make sense and you can start to view your body as something to protect and nourish, instead of something broken or doing harm to you.
The second step I needed to make in order to regulate was learning how to feel safe. Your nervous system goes into survival mode because it is reacting to a perceived threat, or in other words, you don’t feel safe.
So how do you teach your nervous system that you’re safe when it’s convinced you’re not?
One of the most powerful ways is by learning how to take care of yourself. We first learn to feel safe from our caretakers, but then we become our own caretakers. And so if we’re neglecting our own needs, of course our nervous system isn’t going to feel safe.
But I see so many people struggle here. Learning to take care of yourself and staying consistent with it can be very challenging. But after struggling in this area for years, I’m proof that change is possible.
This is exactly what I teach in my course Regulate + Thrive. Not only will you learn why your nervous system is reacting the way that it is, but you’ll learn practical tips to relearn safety.
We cover perfectionism and self-sabotage, self-care and healthy habits. It’s all of the foundational pieces that are often missing in order to not just calm, but to keep the triggers from happening in the first place.
And we do cover things like breath work and somatic exercises too, because those things have a lot of value and it’s important to know how to calm your body in stressful moments, but unless you address the deeper layers, those tools can only take you so far.
If nothing you’ve been doing has helped, then it’s time to try something different.
You can read more about Regulate + Thrive HERE to see if it’s a good fit for you.
