Are You Self-Sabotaging Without Realizing It? (Signs You’re Keeping Yourself Stuck)
Have you ever felt like you were finally gaining momentum—setting new goals, starting a new routine, or stretching outside your comfort zone—only to suddenly lose motivation, feel overwhelmed, or get hit with a wave of anxiety or doubt?
That’s not a lack of discipline.
It’s not laziness.
It’s not even fear of success or failure (at least, not in the way you think).
It’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe.
What Self-Sabotage Really Is
Most people think of self-sabotage as some kind of character flaw—like not having enough willpower or being “too emotional.” But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Self-sabotage is a protective response that happens when your body perceives something as unsafe—even if that “something” is good for you.
Growth = risk.
Change = unfamiliar.
And the unfamiliar feels dangerous to a dysregulated nervous system.
This is why people abandon their goals, give up right when things start to get hard, or suddenly become flooded with self-doubt.
Signs You Might Be Self-Sabotaging
Let’s break this down in a way that might feel familiar:
You procrastinate, even though you care deeply about the outcome
You tell yourself “next week” or “once I feel ready,” over and over
You get hyper-focused on perfecting something, and never finish it
You avoid asking for help—even when you're drowning
You numb with food, scrolling, Netflix, or sleep
You get sick, injured, or overwhelmed right before a big moment
You tell yourself things like:
“I’m going to mess it up anyway.”
“Who do I think I am?”
“People will see right through me.”
These are all survival strategies—not failures.
They’re attempts to avoid pain, rejection, or perceived danger.
Why Your Body Thinks Growth is Dangerous
Your nervous system doesn’t care about your goals—it cares about keeping you safe.
And if your past experiences taught you that failure, rejection, or attention led to pain, your body is going to try and protect you from going there again.
It’s no different than the fear that rises when standing too close to a cliff’s edge. Your body wants to pull you back. Only now, the “cliff” might be vulnerability, change, visibility, or simply trying something new.
What You Can Do Instead
You don’t need to push harder.
You need to create safety in your body first.
Here are a few ways to gently shift when you notice yourself self-sabotaging:
Notice the pattern without judgment - Become aware of what you’re doing or thinking, and name it for what it is: a protection strategy.
Ask yourself, “What am I really afraid of here?” - Often the fear lives in the what ifs. Try shifting to an “even if…” mindset. Even if it doesn’t go as planned… I’ll still be okay.
Journal Prompt - What’s the fear that’s driving my behavior right now? What does my body think it’s protecting me from?
Soothing actions > force - When your nervous system is activated, do something grounding before trying to take action. Go outside. Stretch. Breathe. Clean one small space. Listen to calming music.
Take one small step toward your goal - This proves to your nervous system that you’re in charge—and that safety and action can co-exist.
This is the kind of work we dive deep into inside Regulate + Thrive—especially in Lesson 4, where we break down self-sabotage and perfectionism with compassion, not shame.
If this post resonated with you, you’ll love what we’re doing inside the course.
